Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Birthday

It's weird - I'm 42 years young today - or I should say @ 11am I'll be 42 years young.  

I don't feel it.

Now granted, I have aches and pains and most of that is because I know I need to be more physically fit, but wit wise I'm able to hang w/ the ebb and flow of life.  The only thing I believe I want to change about myself is to stop over analyzing things.  I have that bad and I notice it is progressing the older(younger) I get.  I dig the wisdom though, believe that.

Also I would like to be more patient.  In researching my family, I find I have less patience for the family that are alive and thriving.  I know that is mean to say - but hey, truth is truth.  Do I love them?  With every ounce that inhabits this physical form I have and beyond in the mental and emotional form - but still... they really know how to get me to a point of where I want to grab them by the shoulder's and shake them and yell WAKE UP.  

Wake up to who you are and where you originate.  When I look at the lives my ancestors lead and their accomplishments during times that weren't so kind; then I watch the living not really comprehend that and take everything for granted, I become very frustrated.

This baby picture of me I believe was taken at the age of about 6 or 7 months.  See that confused but purposeful look in my eyes? (See what I mean about over analyzing things?).  It appears I'm confused because I think I'm wondering what that thing is in their hands that they keep sticking in my face, but purposeful in the sense that I've seen it before and I'll figure it out one day.

That's how I've lived my life.  Always wanting to know more, many consider me smart and observant, but they have no idea how ignorant I feel on a daily basis.  Ignorant because as much as I know, I know nothing.  And to me, the desire to not want to know is where the crime towards life exists and that's where I get frustrated w/ some of my family members.

Then I look at pictures of my beautiful Grandmother Alberta. To me she was my favorite of Grandparents, very patient, had the best hugs, made my clothes and used to sing the Sesame Street song to me every morning.  Yet, my opinion of her is much different than what my Father's opinion of her was.  To him she was selfish, self-serving and not to be fully trusted.  He had his right to feel like that because that is the person he experienced, just like it is my right to feel the way I do based on the experiences I've had with her.  

So I've come to the realization that possibly, those same family members I want to shake the hell out of, today is the way I see things and tomorrow is the way someone else will see them and those thoughts may very well contradict.  That's what gaining a new year of life is about - the possibility of growth.  That is my prayer for everyone.  Grow to your full potential and then keep trying to grow even beyond that, because life is limitless and YOU are the entity that sets those limits, so don't limit yourself. Ashe...

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